Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

En Route..happicattin.

In D/s, Bdsm, Daily news update..art,writing, collaborations, upcoming events, My journal on June 1, 2009 at 6:49 pm

En Route. My wingback has finally lifted..NYC and Jersystan , here I come!

Few words tonight, the  cat DOES have my tongue, the quiet before travel..

travel is always life altering in ways unexpected..

I am so happy about this trip..

have been waiting..with Lucifer shortly, collaboration, romance, friendship…I will be blogging my trip and taking photos,  check it out..

catdancin as always,

the cat xo


Quizzes for the Birds and Bees. A musing on the politics of sexuality research.

In D/s, Bdsm on May 21, 2009 at 11:30 am

What's in a kiss?Wow, I like to read many magazines, am a die hard fan of holding the glossy print page in my hand, curled on the couch, it remains a favorite down time treat of mine.

I do follow zines, but it’s not the same. I have the odd habit, ( one of many odd habits..hey another blog post idea there..) of reading from back to front, go figure..

Anyway, this months Scientific American Mind , which I usually follow for all its delish stuff on the latest brain neuro imaging research and leading edge of quantum musings, is completely dedicated to Sex.

That problematic word, sex as it means so many different things to different people, I prefer the word sexuality, yeah, there’s alot to be said for semantics.

There is an interesting article on Do Gays Have a Choice, by Robert Epstein.

This article contains an interesting 9 question quiz, entitled How Gay are You? and when I tabulated the results , I am supposedly ‘predominantly “homosexual” with ‘heterosexual ” tendencies…

A thought or two on this being calculated thru a minute long questionaire ..

the fact that I am predominantly het with some same sex imaginings and activities over an adult lifetime notwithstanding, the quiz made me smile, because the determination of who and what one is , is complex, contextual, and to some degree culturally determined.

I was given to ponder what would a similar quiz make of those with alternative D/s and S/m longings..exposure and opportunities and education count for much, when one has opportunity to meet others in the world of D/s and Bdsm what was once strange or even incomprehensible can become articulated and active.

The limits have some flexibility, we all know this as we journey..

There’s enormous sociopolitical power in labels , definitions ect, they have allowed expression of homosexuality to become more tolerated and understood, and I hope we are on a similar road as regards Bdsm.

Sexuality is magical. Sometimes monstrous. A part of  our core, and a lifetime’s rollicking ride..it expresses thru our dream lives, our relationships and experiences of our own body selves and aging. As well as WHO and how we express our sexual selves with.

Iniations include the profoundly biological markers of being birthed, birthing, parenting, aging, death itself.

A nine question one minute quiz tells me nothing.

My own blueprint of a lifetime of being in this body/self/soul tells me by the pattern that shows, ie, the ink, where I have been , and by what is absent, where I have not…

Embrace yourself, you are a snowflake , detailed, intricate and singular event in time, carry a banner label if it suits your purposes and helps you navigate from here to there, I remain on passport, passing thru..

awake, alive , aware.

Open, boundaried by this skin, and an observer of myself and others..

cat who is predominantly ‘alive ‘.  Morning.

Me or We..Have we become a culture of Uber narcissm?

In 1, Philosophy..sociological commentary on May 14, 2009 at 9:34 pm

I’m musing this eve on narcissism and its colonization of western cultural values. I’m thinking about the whole on line proliferation of easy access to self promotion and its fracturing of the self.

Identity has become fluid, coursing thru the bits and bytes, spawning multi representations of moments along our own personal timelines, thru photoblogging, self confession, self expression…

… given unbelievable latitude and longitude..
( ha! think cock pics)

In the lifetime of the average blogger here, the majority between 30 and early 50’s..technology has created a world wherein we have become our own front page headline, our own press and paparazzi, capable of extending our virtual viral vibes into the eyes and minds of a multitude, our reach, global.

The scale boggles the mind, if we stop to think about it.
But given the intimate settings from which many of us write, our own dens, living rooms, bedrooms, ect, do many of us really STOP to think about it?

I think perhaps we have become more cynical and jaded as a result, more isolated in our social contact, if we define social time as time spent offline, face to face, flesh to flesh.
Many people spend their working hours in office cubicles or oout tof the home, and then their spare time surfing..

We have developed new skill sets to deal with cyber intimacy, whether it be friendships with those of like affinities, or
lovers….we have sharpened our abilities to write of self as object,as our lives as quasi fiction..magical realism genre..as ourselves as brands.

Are we narcissists as per the old definition? Consumed by self?
Or is that definition somehow wanting, is there some new take, that perhaps sees liberation and the good in the democratizing of free speech, the democratizing of business, the extension of potential and reach beyond narrowly defined geographical and financial boundaries?

I’m not knocking the web, I am all over it, but at what point is it all over me?

I have always spoke to collective social values.
We built a nation on it here in Canada..we tend to the collaborative rather than the competitive, this however is rapidly altering.

I myself, remain collaborative in approach, reclusive though I may be at times, and solicitious of my own privacy in ways that may not be readily visible.

I spoke to Lucifer of my thoughts on this, and he had some interesting points to make which continue to flesh out this bird’s eye view of the topic..

The net is perhaps not unlike the splitting of the atom, can be used for unimaginable good and evil..neutral in itself if you take a post modern approach. Have we become as mini gods, fallen headlong into our own ever elusive images to the detriment of our worlds, or have they exploded expotentially?



This is not a new pattern that is emerging or has emerged, we're, an 
intelligent race, have been broadcasting our selves long before Ben
Franklin printed a news paper.  However started with Ben Franklin as an
official form of public media, not everyone had access to a press, nor
Franklin, to advertise their services, wares or offers, but as ingenuity
in humankind progressed the print form of media began to grow, and
provide access to those people who had something to sell, share or talk
about...including themselves.

The marketing of self is as old as history can record, there has always
been a hawker, yelling to sharpen your blade, or shoe your horse.  Sign
makers were told what the sign should say about Mary the seamstress and
this has not changed no matter how we evolve, what has changed is that
technology allows more access for the same behaviors...and reaches more

 From the print media to the radio, from the radio to the television.
Television expanding as megahertz grew and communications grew, along
with the cheapening of costs to make these marvels of modern technology,
so it comes to pass that the oldest of gratuitous marketing behaviors
became more and more creative, more and more revealing and more and more

The net is only the next step in this typical human pattern of sell,
sell, sell...and it isn't only capitalism, it is selling one's life for
the shear joy of being able to obtain attention, it is the selling of
ideas and beliefs but it is no different when Franklin started printing
the first Philadelphia Newspaper some 200 years ago, and the reality to
that is, we as a species have always found a way long before Franklin to
market what ever it is we had to say.

Is it all a genetically predisposed narcissisim?  Not by definition, but
who doesn't enjoy some type of positive attention?  We will evolve
further in technology, to a point where maybe we will no longer need to
leave our homes to attain physical gratification, just slip on the cyber
suit and get laid from translation of data.  Maybe we will have the
replication devices that make food from atoms, like in Star Trek, there
is no telling what the future will bring, but to believe that the
internet has proliferated this behavior is a mistake...we have been
doing it since man scrawled on a cave wall...

Musings from Lucifer and the cat

ON the cycles of Carnality, women and the month.

In D/s, Bdsm on May 8, 2009 at 10:34 am

Carnality is a curve.  On the subject of appetite, I have taken note that it ebbs and flows in females..

that what we call desire, emotionally, spiritually, physically is complexly interwoven , and that our own biochemistries, the biosphere that we intimately live in our own flesh, blood, and breath is influenced cyclically by the cycles of the month ..

I am absolutely feral in the mid month phase of my cycle, it is then that my violence fetish is bladed and aggressive in feel, towards the end of my cycle the energy is less feral, more muted, mixed with emotion, and I am very susceptible to trance at this time..

Mid month finds me rooftoppin, full on  howl, bring it on, a week later and I am more emotive, in want of being fed, nurtured rather than the excitement of combat stance…

I wonder what others have noticed in  these sometimes jagged peaks and valleys or their partners have noted ..solo or in relation one can become incredibly attuned to the various energies..that we all have..

I see the same cycle in men, however it is less jagged, less of a trapeze act, more consistent. Still, I have read they follow a roughly 28 day cycle as well..

Do men really think of sex every seven seconds.?  I don’t know how I could function that way..I’d consider it handicapping, but I guess you adapt.

I remain infinitely influenceable tho,  if I WANT to be cued..smiling.

And the more one immerses oneself in an awareness of the sometimes subtle and not so subtle energies they give out and take in, the more one sees the erotic as a wide rather than narrow river.


Zen masocattin. thoughts on power.

In D/s, Bdsm, Philosophy..sociological commentary on May 4, 2009 at 9:50 am

I was thinking this morning about my grandparents.

I have one surviving grandparent at this time, but all four left an indelible mark on the shaping of my character and choices…

Watching the unfolding of their lives as a child..seeking sanctuary in both homes at various times in childhood, I was blessed by both the striking lessons in the choices they made and gifted to watch the outcomes of their thought and action.

They all had all too common and harsh upbringings.

However the choices they made in adulthood, and the impact their unions as couples had on the family and community around them was rife with food for reflection.

One couple lived well into their late nineties, grew closer and closer to the light as they aged, their skin becoming luminescent ..parchment to some essence that graced those who were to cross the portal into their humble little home.

They were simple celtic folk, deeply bound to one another and the land, and family, a life carved deeper and deeper each year like the rings in the cross section of an old oak,

The rituals of morning and evening prayer, an ethic of treating well all passers by who broached their porch, and though they dispensed no graphic wisdom or advice, people left somehow larger, calmer, the edges smoothed, with a smile…

LIGHTENED by the increasing lightness and dignity and laughter of these two.

The other couple were caught in a bind as well, forged not by grace and acceptance of one another and family, but by hate, violence and pain.

The legacy lives on in both families lives, and to me is an awesome example of how every life has the amazing ability, the POWER ..no need for money or worldly power, but something deeper and stronger than all that..to create or destroy.

Every single one of us creates heaven and hell here on earth.
By our moment to moment choices, and behind the choices, moment to moment thought.

We ARE as fallen Gods and if the power of what is called god is the power to create, we miscomprehend how very charged and lethal OR life giving our lives as sign posts and actual lived versions of the ‘way ” are.

There is power in each of us, regardless of circumstances..stellar power, rife with significance.

We do not have to strive so hard to be “somebody”.

We are Somebody.

Right here, Right now. Whether in the ghetto, or on the hill..

Our power, is equal.

We assign godliness to our leaders as we equate them with power.

Those public and “out there” those that show their ‘surface’ to the many.

Heroes and heroines walk among us every moment, often seemingly invisible.

You and I are as gods..in our power to create anew , in our choices every moment..to bring hate and violence or peace, grace and laughter.

I know life is tough…

As the buddhists say..the first rule is “Life is suffering’

breathe that in. breathe it out. move thru it.

Accept this, chill, know your own divinity..smile, pause and
rock someone else’s world today with the grace that is you.

and let them rock you back….

does not have to be a Led Zeppelin dirge..it can be as quiet as just creating the space for another to be, in your prescence, quiet and witnessed.

Morning thoughts from cat, the zenmasocat.
big smiles.
have a great one.

Dream Thieves.

In D/s, Bdsm on April 29, 2009 at 1:50 pm

i Woke from a dream and in it i was Begging you to have Sex with me on cam bc, as i
said in My dream we’d already had sex in person, in R/t ,and tho i had Experienced you in every other way ,i had not visually,it was one of those post/sleep chaotic Moments when it All merges, the Tails of Many things, and i was searchin, searchin….

not onli bc i was NOT certain we had had R/t sex but also bc you looked like Someone else in My dream,but you/were/not/Him, you/were/You ,and i felt Something Significant had Happened,but i was Not Sure What, and then i Rose and went to My door, and it was Wide Open and i KNEW it HAD been left Shut, and i Thought was Someone here while I slept? Have i been the victim of a

and then i went to my deck and Looked out across the Water, and there was a rainbow Strung across the Metallic evening Skies, and the Trees were Shivering The Way They do when a Storm is coming…

and i re/Called your Voice, and i re/Membered You, it was so Very Very Late, Long Past Coherence, there Was no sex,no subspace, just this and onli this, Your voice, Orpheus Descending,dreaming me Down,Down into inchoate layers, Lost, interpretative Dance,Open to Any and All Meanings i Might assign This,

inDelibly Scrawled,Forever Archived,You,you,you…

and i WANTED to Call Somebody Somewhere and Report a
but The Crime remains Undefined, and the
Perpetrator has noface/1000 faces…

i heard the faintest LullaBye thats What
I heard,
Hush, hush, Babe,
but there Was No Singer standing
Over me….

Just 5 a.m Dialtone and
white Noise.


What is so Primal about offering one’s Throat? A question for those who are drawn to D/s.

In D/s, Bdsm on April 22, 2009 at 12:24 am

Have you ever watched a larger animal rip the throat out of a smaller one?

We’re all still a food chain , in our primal instincts , whether we admit it or not.

In D/s  there is

scening, boundaries, safe words, a coda

as to this instinct.

Offer your throat in submission, and you stand to go the way of the sparrow at the mouth of the terrier.

Each is following its primal nature.

And so, heart is essential. If we are to play at primal games, and open the door to depth psychologies, to face the beast that is the thing between the two..then  trust becomes the blood that runs over the naked breasts and splashes down the palms.

When we allow the Dominant one an artery to our core, when we show this,

there must needs be a mutual blood bonding….

The blood will wash the two clean, and warm the skin of what has been created together . Blood, tears, sweat, semen, cum, breath. Primal offerings.

This requires courage on the part of the predator and the prey.

And honor for the dance.  The throat is the part of the body that is collared and this is rife with symbolism. Perhaps whether a war cry or a in breath of grief, the throat,  is to me , the place I meet my lover. The place where flesh meets metaphor meets heaven and hell.


Welcome to the online D/s jungle. Why follow protocol?

In D/s, Bdsm on April 17, 2009 at 10:22 pm

D/s or some variant of it, has exploded on the net. Like most things via the net, this has been enormously beneficial for those who would wish to explore those urges and inklings, to meet and greet, and to be educated.

However, there has been a downside and that has been the weakening of protocols that existed in local D/s communities.

Those who take the culture seriously, and this is a subculture in every sociological sense of the word, replete with its own esoteric knowledge, practices, rituals of iniation and celebration..

honor these rituals and practices, seek to understand that the whys and wherefores exist to protect both the participants and the integrity of the culture itself.

One practice that has weakened in the online explosion is that of addressing the dominant of a known submissive if  one wishes to communicate with said submissive.

This practice exists for the following reasons, the submissive is either owned or collared property..a statement of possession and/or protection.

The submissive  is ( in a healthy and dynamic M/s or D/s relationship ) under the tutelage, mentorship or engaged in fullblown power exchange with their Dominant.

The Dominant hopefully has earned the respect and trust of their submissive/s that they have their best interests and growth as core values.

The submissive is not left to judge character alone nor make decisions in isolation.

Ownership states  to the community and to the D/s couple..the Dominant is to

cherish and value the submission that has been offered, and the submissive is to adhere  to the direction and service the Dominant.

When meeting online those that would claim to be either Dominant or submissive, one litmus test of their authenticity is this..do they respect this one initial aspect of protocol?

If they violate it with impunity or appear to regard it as archaic..they compromise their integrity.

Just a word to those online in the D/s community seeking ..whatever..protocol is a way to safeguard relationships and community boundaries..

Picture re, my Dominant,and collaborator in art, Lucifer Lazerus. Check out his very cool website at http://www.Luciferlazerus.com

I am happy to correspond with like minded individuals, but request that you approach him prior to this if you also lay claim to Dominant status.

That way there is so much less ruckus over the dinkies in the sandbox.


Long distance D/s relationships. Surviving and thriving.

In D/s, Bdsm on April 17, 2009 at 4:00 pm

I am in an Ldr.

They are not for the faint of heart.

In the absence of community,

couples can find themselves isolated. How does one work the challenges  that invariably come with sustaining aM/s or  D/s relationship via distance?

One key is to not become completely isolated. Be part of a community online together,  reach out to others, do not sink into obscurity.

Significant relationships are embedded within a social context, the LDR faces special challenges this way.

The ldr allows us to communicate and grow with another we perhaps never would have met another way, however these relationships are challenged by lonliness, lack of physical proximities, and costs of travel.

Most would agree that to sustain one long term a relocation is eventually on the table. But what to do while figuring this out?

Here is some advice.

1. Use all mediums to establish consistent routines of contact and communication.

2.  Learn about D/s at a distance..it can thrive!  However it can also challenge the strongest of couples.

3. Early on , ask for and validate the identity of the individual one is getting to know.

4. Talk , talk, talk about expectation and have a JOINT game plan for how to handle the invariable down times and crises.

5. Meet when it becomes feasible to do so. These relationships are very real, and meeting is paramount.

6. Cyber is no longer the antiquated creature it once was limited to ICQ and texting..scening is possible and the limits are only your creativity.

7. Communicate, communicate, communicate! it does not always have to be heavy, in fact that will work against you, but share the various aspects of your separate lives.

8. Watch movies, porn, visit art sites online, send videos of your locales ,and yourself in a spectrum of activities.

9. Let the cams run..it’s the next best thing to being there, without always having to talk..this can be very enjoyable and revealing.

10. Keep your outside contacts and friends..remain multidimensional!

Just a short little list..I will revisit this topic tomorrow, ..ps, pics are my tribute to spring..me in my baseball cap and shades! bring on the daffodils.

Oh, reminds me..send snail mail, and flowers are always a delightful surprise, make the gifts personal..a small wallet picture ect..

have a great friday eve, cat


Humiliation play.

In D/s, Bdsm on April 16, 2009 at 10:33 pm

What is it about humiliation play that is so compelling to some and so disturbing to others?

This is one arena of so called “play” that is so highly erotically charged and so individual.

Humiliation play has the power to tear apart an individual or a D/s relationship..or lift to an irony of ecstasy.

It is one arena that is surely learning by trial and error and requires so much in trust and in shared respect.

Certainly, the submissive must feel respected and often loved if such play is to be engaged in.

I hunger for it, and I am trying to see what it is about it that turns me on erotically, because outside of the erotic context, or the confines of a longterm D/s relationship where I  feel secure and valued,  it has no appeal.

The ways of humiliation are quantum.

Spanking can be humiliating, watersports can be humiliating, cuckolding can be humiliating, verbal cues..

We all have different tastes and limits in this kind of play. Some sadists love it as part of their arts, others shy away from the symbolic power.

It is the symbolic power that points to the erotic power..the art of being mastered by another, of being compelled against ones natural instincts to self..

This is why a strong sense of self is integral for the submissive partner in this sort of play, and a strong attunement for limits in the Master or sadist.

It is a mindfuk..and as such is not play for the weak of  self.

To engage in the act of being broken of self, and yet resurrected whole.

Cathartic , when corsetted by love, respect, sharing, trust.

Just some thoughts from the cat