Posts Tagged ‘subspace’

I want to photo a tacking. Solo maso play..

In D/s, Bdsm on May 17, 2009 at 10:03 pm

It happened this evening. Out of nowhere. I have never been into needle play, needles scare me…but I have the sudden craving to be tacked. To push the fine points of multiple tacks into a pattern on my breasts and my ass..to photograph it, slight red trickles and all..

I was looking in the mirror after my shower, and I raised my arms into the air, crossed my wrists, and stared. I could “see” ,imagine a perfect circle of pushpins around the outside of the pale pink of my nipples, I started to space..

Just the pin prick sensation, the slightest bloodletting.

And I could feel a pattern on the burning cheeks of my ass, my inner thighs. Its the urge to see something pretty, the pattern against my white skin, and to feel the sting of each little push.

I know I have to swab with alcohol and soak, and only penetrate the slightest depth..but the craving is intense, it is shocking, sometimes I do practice sadomasochistic acts solo, I’ve inserted freezer chilled butterknives into my cunt, sat spread eagled in front of an old vanity circular mirror and slid in one of those wine corkscrews and then opened it like a speculum, I have lit my nipples flashing back and forth with a lighter,I love to strap my cunt with leather, but my Dominant will not let me actually cut without his supervision because I space so deeply. I’ve only used a sharp blade with his prescence.

Tonight, it seems to becoming from some almost inarticulate artistic urge, something masochistic, an ache, but combined with the desire to see my blood , and to feel for the first time a prick sensation..the hunger it is sanguine and I feel the veil of space closing over me..the desire to see something beautiful,

my clamps won’t do it tonight tho I love them on my clit, and nipples..has anyone else had a new craving come out of nowhere and feel compelling, and begin to space just imagining the look of it?

If I get permission I will take a photo, it is like some artistic ritual longing.. tonight..

to express using my skin as drumscape..



Sehkmet : The prologue.

In D/s, Bdsm, goth culture on May 15, 2009 at 11:41 pm

Discussing the roots of fore and after scening/where do you find comfort and celebtation/some thoughts from Lucifer and cat.

In D/s, Bdsm on May 2, 2009 at 2:12 am

We are always discussing the “Trauma” that one may have endured as a child that leads them down a path to this culture.  D/s, S&M, B&D and all sorts of other fetishes that are somehow connected to a childhood trauma or loss or some other “negative” that can be attributed to our adult behavior.

There is a relational aspect to certain parts o

In My case I ponder the little nuances of what might be occurring in the scene, before the scene or after the scene…what may be occurring as part of the relationship or even as part of being play partners.

Does one party play classical music in the background of a scene, almost automatically?  If they pondered this ritual would they find that their mother or father put on Chopin to calm a wild bunch of children?  Or maybe the simple soft light of a dozen candles sets the mood, but after further introspection does one find that there might be childhood memories of their parents spending many a happy night by candle light, bringing calm and comfort to the home.

Maybe a ritual that has been part of a person’s life regardless of the relationship or the scene, done without thought, brings a climatic end to the climax, because it brings happiness to one of the party.

For example, I have always had, bacon, two eggs over easy, hash browns and toast after any sex or scene as part of a ritual which is now a habit…where did this come from?  After much thought, I realized that as a child we did not have bacon and hash browns in our house at all, no one made or bought the hash browns and bacon was out, but when we went out to eat, especially breakfast, this was my order…

It was a treat, a treat that brought with it happiness…so looking at the connection as an adult to the end of good sex or a good scene, it is like the cherry on top of the sundae…it brings the final dose of happiness to the scene.

There is much positive in D/s and we often focus  on the terrible or harsh things that drive us….sexual abuse, sexual pressure, sexual repression, rape, incest, and a whole slew of negatively charged hyperbole, looking to explain why one enjoys being hurt or dominated.  It is a rare moment that we actually see the quieter aspects of this culture brought forth into the public eye.


What we call “scening ” in this subculture, evokes the theatrical, the cirque du soleil of “eros” that is this “alternative” ,and for core players, in depth exploration of desire outside of the socially constructed norms of acceptible sexual expression…rife with ritual and esoteric value.

This takes place between individuals who bring not only (sometimes) a historical understanding of what this subculture means, but a personal unique history of the erotic as it pertains to self.

Self and culture are constructs that meet and merge.
For those on the outside of the culture, and indeed, many on the inside, there is often a search for explanation in the roots of pathology..childhood trauma.

However, it is far more complex than this..what drives someone to embrace identity as Dominant or submissive, sadomasochist, sadist, or masochist…

Pleasure and pain are at once symbolic and literal, iniations, repetitive, that derive in part from both social and individual contexts.

As regards pleasure and comfort, the release of dopamine, and the feelings of sanctuary, or being at home within oneself or with another..it is not solely the feral acts that carve themselves into fetishes, it is the fore-scening and after scening rituals, some well known, such as presentation, methods of addressing one another, ect, some highly idiosyncratic, and practiced between the two that share, explore and commit to them.

Acts that serve to heighten the anticipation, and acts that serve to de-escalate and bring any particular “scene” to an end.

Call it bracketing. It is just as important, it is all part of ritual, this is a culture embedded in ritual, like religion..perhaps it is a religion of sorts..

With its own theology, litanies, sacramental symbols, and promise of salvation.

In discussing this with Lucifer, I realized that there are rituals that bracket the act of scening, that derive from non trauma, that derive from pleasurable memories, both childhood and later..

and that these rituals and rites, the laying out of clothing, the use of scent, the preparation of one’s body or the body of of the beloved, …the desire to be blanketed and perhaps bound as a sub when leaving the endorphin high of subspace, the Dominant’s needs for music, or desire (often a high), I have observed in Dominants for music or activity, or meditative quiet..

can be traced back thru time on occasion to those very things that gave us comfort as a child…warmth, space, security…

I have a enjoyment in the preparation of my body for a scene, adornment, attention to aesthetic and mood.

I have a need to be bound or held after a scene, to be able to navigate as would a shaky sleepy child at bedtime, comforted, and then to sleep. ( a good childhood memory of mine as a small girl)

But then I am a submissive.

I cannot speak for Dominants, what I have observed is a feeling of satiation they have in terms of accomplishment, and a drive to express that thru some personal focused activity, or “flow’ outlet. Celebration in eggs over easy and hashbrowns. Smiling …

For me, some of what constitutes ‘fore-scening’ and “after-scening” ritual absolutely in part derives from the things that gave me both a push into the unknown as a small child, but with a trusted parent behind me, and the wind- down ritual at night, where I was assured all was right and safe in my little world…

Not all that we do in Bdsm and D/s is feral..much of it is a drive for human connection, acceptance, and intimacy…and the ways to get there…this bracketing of a scene..are as unique as the people participating.

It is interesting to engage in an exploration of what your own personal rituals of comfort and celebration are..and rewarding to share what you discover with the partners you dive with.

“Whether in or out of a scene, we are creatures of routine as well as change. What are some of your core comfort rituals and habits and where do they come from?”


Lucifer and cat.

Vampirism, the penultimate mind fuck.

In D/s, Bdsm on April 22, 2009 at 1:01 pm

What’s in a picture?

Plenty. This image from Dracula contains multiple elements that draw on the gothic genre …beauty and the beast, the darks’ hunger for the innocent and as yet untouched,that by appropriating the life force of the light , the dark is somehow empowered ,  sustained.

The suggestion that the Submission of the victim is one of trance, a coparticipation in exploring the pyschic depths, willing and unwilling, what lies veiled under the guise of immobility? What aggressions lie within “sleeping beauty”? to be awoke?

The placement of the hand on the “victim’s” breast, a breast mounded, swollen in excitement,  anticipation, yet this knowledge filtered almost dreamlike into the submissive’s consciousness.

The coming bite, the sinking into a number of pyschic feilds of the other, not thru genital penetration, but thru that intimate of power exchanges, throat claiming throat….the power of pyschic domination.

The Domination by mind, not cock.

Dracula is commanding because as a archetypal figure his mixed and merged command of the erotic and the matrix of sadism and masochism..

is based on mind energy..the energies that spill to the supernatural, not merely brute embodied strength.

As such the symbolism of the bite is cerebral as much if not even more so than carnal..

I will penetrate your very dreams.

I will subjugate you thru energy exchange.

Our bond defies the sheerly physical.

The submissive is not all passivity and holly go lightly…to be awakened is a dicy card..sadism and masochism mirror one another as desires, the masochist appropriating the tools of the sadist to break the bonds of self, to

explore aggressive instincts towards both self and other..masochism is POWER. Blood, not procreation , is viral.

This picture suggests all this and more..phallic domination is the least of it, and perhaps this is what appeals to the highbrow in the lovers of goth and Dracula.. penetration is broadened beyond the almighty cock, or even the cock becomes superfluous..

just some musings from the cat..a ash, a footprint, a little tune in the dark, feel free to comment ..

What is so Primal about offering one’s Throat? A question for those who are drawn to D/s.

In D/s, Bdsm on April 22, 2009 at 12:24 am

Have you ever watched a larger animal rip the throat out of a smaller one?

We’re all still a food chain , in our primal instincts , whether we admit it or not.

In D/s  there is

scening, boundaries, safe words, a coda

as to this instinct.

Offer your throat in submission, and you stand to go the way of the sparrow at the mouth of the terrier.

Each is following its primal nature.

And so, heart is essential. If we are to play at primal games, and open the door to depth psychologies, to face the beast that is the thing between the two..then  trust becomes the blood that runs over the naked breasts and splashes down the palms.

When we allow the Dominant one an artery to our core, when we show this,

there must needs be a mutual blood bonding….

The blood will wash the two clean, and warm the skin of what has been created together . Blood, tears, sweat, semen, cum, breath. Primal offerings.

This requires courage on the part of the predator and the prey.

And honor for the dance.  The throat is the part of the body that is collared and this is rife with symbolism. Perhaps whether a war cry or a in breath of grief, the throat,  is to me , the place I meet my lover. The place where flesh meets metaphor meets heaven and hell.


Why do I call myself a sadomasochist?

In D/s, Bdsm on April 17, 2009 at 4:58 pm

Why do I call myself a sadomasochist?

Perhaps because I  have a huge sadean sensibility..perhaps I have learned in this culture to objective myself as a female, and although I am a flaming masochist…I can easily fantasize new acts of sadism towards myself.

Letting down the walls of possibility, the opaque mind reveals new possibilities for sensation..auditory, kinesthetic, scent, tactile, visual.

I am a sensualist and a hard core maso. Power exchange excites me, however I view myself as strong, not weak.

I see myself as the dancer to the sadean choreography, in tandem expressing thru my response a virtual feast for my Dominant.

Most Sadeans I have known, and I distinguish them from garden variety sadists by this : have a keen appreciation for nuance and enjoy and are empowered by artfully orchestrating a plethora of responses emotionally and physically in their masochistic partner.

S/m is but one aspect of power exchange but sadists and masdochists can master their respective arts by exercizing their gifts of imagination.

The more psychological the play, the more aeesthtic senses it appeals to., the more it resembles a virtuoso as opposed to a country done em wrong tune.

study your art, whether it be of the sadean variety that you deliver, or the masochistic..there is much to learn and discover..and at the end of the day it remains an art touched by mystery and the holy, not a science.

Mind is the hottest toy in D/s and Bdsm.

In D/s, Bdsm on April 16, 2009 at 10:48 pm

Mind is the hottest toy in Bdsm.

Bodies are fascinating, the mind is the fire zone. Beauty without brain is interesting aesthetically, but once one engages with another, it is the mind that is the aesthetic cauldron, the cog catching and rolling with cog.

Resonance. I  have written about this before. Resonance  requires attuning to each other’s energies, all senses are sharpened and alert, one attends to that which fascinates, or that which one cherishes.

We take a deep interest in very few other beings. Those that fully engage us , engage us in their uniqueness to us, their singularities.

One senses and is drawn to the essence of the other, not the surface, and if mutual, the two begin to attend together.

This cannot be done if it is not mutual. Mind must touch mind, mind touching mind as I say must contain flickers of the gamut of human emotions…one can touch the mind of another profoundly without ever touching their body.

I believe like minds call to one another..the affinities may not be visible, but they are there under the layers of the corporeal or embodied.

Mind is the hottest toy..to engage solely on the level of bodily aesthetic will ultimately leave one dissatisfied.


I have Submission Heart

In D/s, Bdsm on April 9, 2009 at 9:03 pm

I have submission heart.

I am feisty, engaging, cerebral,  dreamy, intense with a love for irony and the bent. I engage in few intimate relationships at a time, this has always been my way, as I am a person who both loves solitude, am nourished within it, and seek like affinity to truly let another or others into my life.

When outside of a primary D/s relationship I have always been quite capable of negotiating scenes within the playscape of Bdsm more as a bottom than a submissive..that is , there are clear demarcations around role playing and matters of the heart. I am not Submissive to those  I bottom to,  it is a surface engagement .

I am capable of such play, but the deeper into my journey into the matrix of D/s that is at my core, the less I want such casual encounters.

For there is no mistaking that I am at core,  a depth player. And it is depth playing I seek.

To disown this part of myself is to do myself injury.

Like many who identify as submissives  I thrive on the following..

Consistency. I  grow best when not having to face consistent inconsistencies and capriciousness in others. Circumstances externally are always changing, however the paradigm of the relationship should not be.

Boundaries. This is part of consistency. Boundaries give me safety and reassurance and direction.  Boundaries are not to be confused with prison bars. They are there to guide me in choice making, and to delineate the landscape, but not to browbeat or bully. They exist to enable me to safely be all that I can be, not to imprison me .

It is equally important that as a Dominant sets out boundaries in negotiation with me, I am able to state my boundaries as a human being and submissive with them.  Boundaries are like safe words for the bigger scene, the overall scene, that is the entire D/s relationship.

Erotic submission. As an artist ( a writer ) but absolutely in possession of art heart, eros is at the core of my being and response to the world. This is not always sexual..it means an intensified response to and appreciation for the nuances, undersurfaces and aesthetics of this world..a hunger for and a longing to engage deeply with it.

As part of that deep engagement with the world, there is desire for deep erotic sustained relations with a lover… these naturally follow cycles, ebb and flow, but if not valued and equally integral to a Dominant’s definition of what satisfies them as a Dominant, the appetites will be off.  The power of the mutual creation of an erotic approach to the world, to art, to creativity and heart cannot be understated as a primal drive for me.

In regards to that, I love the sadean imagination.  I have one, and I am compelled by the prescence of  a raw, pyschologically adept and hungry sadean imagination in the other.

I feed off the desire to fullfill the fantasies of the other as much as I seek to push the limits and grow within my own.

I am very senstive and attuned to nuance in erotic scening and capable of intense physical  responsivity and deep trancing.

I love to push the boundaries of pain and fear and submission , it is an endorphin rush that brings me higher than any drug.

There has to be an intellectual compatibility and a compatibility in humor. These traits are bonding.  My Dominant is my intellectual superior, and I have no problem with that..his  style is sharper, mine more wandering is all.

I need to know that I am valued for my essence , for my core, that I am seen whole rather than in part. That I am cherished for all of me.

I need a Dominant who can accept such in return..being seen into deeply, themselves.

I  am intensely loyal when I have given my submission, terrier like in protection of the Dominant’s  interests and wellbeing, and believe in communication and honesty held to a high bar.

I do not seek to be micromanaged, but to companion with.

My Dominant is not the air that I breathe , but rather the one I breathe the air with.

Mutual acceptance of differences, leeway to learn, sometimes lean is crucial.

And who are you as submissive heart/ do you know ?


Masomessing lyrics.

In D/s, Bdsm, goth culture on April 5, 2009 at 6:40 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMpwcyWq7TIA very cool tune. Paste the link in your browser and go watch.

A favorite tune of mine, numb, by Holly Mcnarland.

On the ethics and safety of Online subspace or trance space.

In D/s, Bdsm on March 21, 2009 at 4:10 pm

but given that there is sort of a generic understanding as to what the term encompasses, I’ll use it here.

Whether online /on the phone/or offline it is a state of altered consciousness predicated by power exchange. A state of altered consciousness not unlike ingesting a drug, given its powerful effects on the body…altered perception of time and space,altered auditory and sensual perception, altered heart rate, effects on blood pressure, ect.

I don’t know how common it is to experience subspace at a distance, to be cued by the non physical, but it should not be surprising , our capacity to do so, given that all perception begins with mind. Given certain dynamics,I’m wildly responsive to cues other than tactile.

I’ve only experienced it intensely in circumstances other than in the direct physcial prescence of others with three play partners.. “play” again a term I dislike, but oh, well.

In all these cases, I have felt the impact on my body in various ways..sound warps,my heart beat races and slows,the awareness of the other is simulataneously focused and diffuse, and I am unable to stand….

Theres talking kink..which most of us can do..hopefully..and then theres doing space, which I will call trancedancing.Trance dancing is to talking kink what doing kink is to doing vanilla.

To get to my point I was talking with a dominant last eve,who was “appalled” that other dominants would endeavor to evoke this state in another at a distance. Well, I have two things to say here..

one/ is that again it is the responsibility of the sub to know her/himself well enough to identify to the other when this has begun to happen..I have found that the other parties have KNOWN either by my face on cam or by my voice,

And two/ yes. It can be dangerous. As the submissive in trance dancin or let’s say the one who is being directed in power exchange my experience has been that the Dom usually leaves the session with a sense of satiation..
as in what a good meal that just was..sharper and gratified, while I have woken hours later ? disorientated and confused, still half tranced and alone.

It ia a very solo way to come out of trancedancin as the onus is on oneself to provide one’s own aftercare. The situation is a perfect context for the unpleasantries and dangers of drop.

A phone call the next day, a warm email focusing on the submissives well being helps.
In the abscence of these, I’d have to ask myself..how interested in my wellbeing, how ethical is the dominant I am playing with, being. I’ve dropped an online play partner from my chat utility for this reason.

As submissives, we cannot abdicate responsibility for our own wellbeing just because we are in the prescence of someone who identifies as dominant.

Know yourself. If you’re INANELY autosuggestive, like I am..Acknowledge it and be careful of with whom and how you play online.
Your capacity for trancedancin is your gift, not the sole perogative of the dominant…regardless of whatever bag of tricks they may carry to take you there.

I’ve talked to Dominants who feel so strongly about the ethics of going there at a distance , that although capable, they refuse to. Talked to others that feel assured of their ability to provide aftercare at a distance. If kink is foreplay…trancedancin is the orgasmic.

Stay aware of who you enter power exchange with..stay safe.

I’d like some feedback from those who have opinions on this or experiences to share , whether top or bottom.

Ps. I have just woken after near 24 hours of sleep.Wrapped in blankets drinking lemon tea. Still reviving from this kamikaze cold and still warming to all offers of empathy…IM lemon drop kisses and the like. It will pass but right now I look like something I dragged in. Smirx. Small purr..