Whose your Daddy? Whose Your Muse?..creativity.

The muse is capricious at the best of times. Historically seen as a female, she is mythological, touches all of us, and will not be owned by any…
She comes and goes at her own whim, sure we can put ourselves in situations conducive to feeding her, calling her out to play and grace our lives and imaginations, but she lives on irony, tragedy and joy.

She is NOT for sale.
One cannot buy her or she disappears..a phantom creature,able to simply dissolve thru the tightest of bindings.

She requires patience and she demands respect.

I have danced with her all my life, I have been humbled by her mysterious comings and goings, I have been awed how she is sometimes most tangible in the most wreckhoused of scenarios..

She speaks to me when I allow joy into my life, and wonder, she comforts me in tragedy…

Who or what sets you up for a playdate with the muse?
Is it nature, nurture, lovers, light, the passing of the seasons, music..

She is ephemeral, and tho we often experience her thru others,
she is not to be mistaken for the other..you are the conduit that opens to her..

You, you, you..it is your eyes, your ears, your heart that renders you open or closed to her manifestations..

Thoughts?
Morning musings to the many here who dance with the muse daily..

and feed others by sharing ..

Blue Chaos

Vampirism, the penultimate mind fuck.

What’s in a picture?

Plenty. This image from Dracula contains multiple elements that draw on the gothic genre …beauty and the beast, the darks’ hunger for the innocent and as yet untouched,that by appropriating the life force of the light , the dark is somehow empowered ,  sustained.

The suggestion that the Submission of the victim is one of trance, a coparticipation in exploring the pyschic depths, willing and unwilling, what lies veiled under the guise of immobility? What aggressions lie within “sleeping beauty”? to be awoke?

The placement of the hand on the “victim’s” breast, a breast mounded, swollen in excitement,  anticipation, yet this knowledge filtered almost dreamlike into the submissive’s consciousness.

The coming bite, the sinking into a number of pyschic feilds of the other, not thru genital penetration, but thru that intimate of power exchanges, throat claiming throat….the power of pyschic domination.

The Domination by mind, not cock.

Dracula is commanding because as a archetypal figure his mixed and merged command of the erotic and the matrix of sadism and masochism..

is based on mind energy..the energies that spill to the supernatural, not merely brute embodied strength.

As such the symbolism of the bite is cerebral as much if not even more so than carnal..

I will penetrate your very dreams.

I will subjugate you thru energy exchange.

Our bond defies the sheerly physical.

The submissive is not all passivity and holly go lightly…to be awakened is a dicy card..sadism and masochism mirror one another as desires, the masochist appropriating the tools of the sadist to break the bonds of self, to

explore aggressive instincts towards both self and other..masochism is POWER. Blood, not procreation , is viral.

This picture suggests all this and more..phallic domination is the least of it, and perhaps this is what appeals to the highbrow in the lovers of goth and Dracula.. penetration is broadened beyond the almighty cock, or even the cock becomes superfluous..

just some musings from the cat..a ash, a footprint, a little tune in the dark, feel free to comment ..

Breath beats.

Submerge.

I carefully prepare my bath.  I draw the water, hot steaming.  I step into it, crouch, unfold, sink back…

The water covers me over, folds against my body-self.

Here, there is no breathing.  Here, there is only heartbeat.

I ask myself how long do I have the courage to stand it/ to float without words, thought, as heatbeat slowly amplifies till it is all?

One, two, three…

Stop fighting it.  Breath will follow any submersion surely as night follows day.

The instinct is flesh fighting soul.

Not now, not yet.

cat

Masomessing lyrics.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMpwcyWq7TIA very cool tune. Paste the link in your browser and go watch.

A favorite tune of mine, numb, by Holly Mcnarland.

Hyperfocus, drift,creativity. Blessing and curse.

Had a scar touched on the other day. Opened unexpectedly,  confusion and vertigo, a tumult of  sensations, energies that I am loathe to label as distinct emotions…instead when processing, I locate where in my body the sensations reside, and then let them speak for themselves..

The dominant sensation was one of my throat closing down, a choking, and an ache..a sensation I often experience as an ambiguous pleasure as I am entering subspace..I say ambiguous because, there is such a hyperdermic rush of euphoria mixed with something akin but cousin to, not quite fear.

The sensations attached to struggle and surrender.

This was different. There was no pleasure. I knew in part that something had been touched on that was much older than the moment and the context at hand. However, my inner world tilted on its axis veering into history.

The memories, felt sensations from childhood before I had the concepts to label my emotional realities, simply struggling at the mercy of them.

If there was a single quality I both exuded as a child and was furthurmore punished for..it was my creativity. Not from both parents, but from one, who was innately threatened by the way I processed, I took things in thru my senses rather than in a linear fashion, another way of saying this was although very cerebral, I was floaty, dreamy and given to solitude and thinking outside the box.

When caught up in a reverie, be it a new way of seeing or doing, I did not take direction or instruction well, I colored outside the lines , happily,not to rebel, it was simply innate.

My ability to hyperfocus has a down side. Sometimes switching gears takes a moment longer than non creative types.

How does this serve me as a submissive?

It’s an incredible gift when powerfully cued , and offsetting when I am distractible.

It’s been a long journey to embrace my creativity and way of being in this world, its been hard won.

A scar was touched on, a scar that whispers, inside of me, oh you fucked up, draw your lines straighter, attune and pay attention. Your inability to do this marks you as different, an outsider, inept.

I took a triage approach, accepted that my felt reaction was something far older than the now, processed and let go.

I walk the inner and outer world with greater or less degrees of precision dependent on what I have been caught up in..and at this point in my life given that I have a fair grasps on my strengths and faultlines, I let people into my intimate space who have some awareness and tolerance for drift.

For as sure as I have a capacity for drift, which enables me to see and experience the subterranean qualities to the phenomena around me, I also have a capacity, when compelled or taken by a perception, sensation, idea, or person to give it 500% of  myself and then some.

This double edged sword can be harnessed to the good or damned.

I continue to strive to harness it to the good, for all those that I love, and all that I love.

cat

On the ethics and safety of Online subspace or trance space.

but given that there is sort of a generic understanding as to what the term encompasses, I’ll use it here. Whether online /on the phone/or offline it is a state of altered consciousness predicated by power exchange. A state of altered consciousness not unlike ingesting a drug, given its powerful effects on the body…altered perception of time and space,altered auditory and sensual perception, altered heart rate, effects on blood pressure, ect. I don’t know how common it is to experience subspace at a distance, to be cued by the non physical, but it should not be surprising , our capacity to do so, given that all perception begins with mind. Given certain dynamics,I’m wildly responsive to cues other than tactile. I’ve only experienced it intensely in circumstances other than in the direct physcial prescence of others with three play partners.. “play” again a term I dislike, but oh, well. In all these cases, I have felt the impact on my body in various ways..sound warps,my heart beat races and slows,the awareness of the other is simulataneously focused and diffuse, and I am unable to stand…. Theres talking kink..which most of us can do..hopefully..and then theres doing space, which I will call trancedancing.Trance dancing is to talking kink what doing kink is to doing vanilla. To get to my point I was talking with a dominant last eve,who was “appalled” that other dominants would endeavor to evoke this state in another at a distance. Well, I have two things to say here.. one/ is that again it is the responsibility of the sub to know her/himself well enough to identify to the other when this has begun to happen..I have found that the other parties have KNOWN either by my face on cam or by my voice, And two/ yes. It can be dangerous. As the submissive in trance dancin or let’s say the one who is being directed in power exchange my experience has been that the Dom usually leaves the session with a sense of satiation.. as in what a good meal that just was..sharper and gratified, while I have woken hours later ? disorientated and confused, still half tranced and alone. It ia a very solo way to come out of trancedancin as the onus is on oneself to provide one’s own aftercare. The situation is a perfect context for the unpleasantries and dangers of drop. A phone call the next day, a warm email focusing on the submissives well being helps. In the abscence of these, I’d have to ask myself..how interested in my wellbeing, how ethical is the dominant I am playing with, being. I’ve dropped an online play partner from my chat utility for this reason. As submissives, we cannot abdicate responsibility for our own wellbeing just because we are in the prescence of someone who identifies as dominant. Know yourself. If you’re INANELY autosuggestive, like I am..Acknowledge it and be careful of with whom and how you play online. Your capacity for trancedancin is your gift, not the sole perogative of the dominant…regardless of whatever bag of tricks they may carry to take you there. I’ve talked to Dominants who feel so strongly about the ethics of going there at a distance , that although capable, they refuse to. Talked to others that feel assured of their ability to provide aftercare at a distance. If kink is foreplay…trancedancin is the orgasmic. Stay aware of who you enter power exchange with..stay safe. I’d like some feedback from those who have opinions on this or experiences to share , whether top or bottom. Ps. I have just woken after near 24 hours of sleep.Wrapped in blankets drinking lemon tea. Still reviving from this kamikaze cold and still warming to all offers of empathy…IM lemon drop kisses and the like. It will pass but right now I look like something I dragged in. Smirx. Small purr.. cat.

Ain’t no Angel Gonna Greet me, It’s just you and I, my friend.

Drinking my morning coffee. Listening to Bruce  Springstein’s  Streets of Philadelphia.

One of my favorite movies, ever, one of my favorite tunes.

“Ain’t no angel gonna greet me, it’s just you and I

my friend, and my clothes’s don’t fit no more

walk a thousand miles , just to slip this skin..”

So much on my mind..and it’s poignant. Poignancy does me in. I am not a sentimentalist, but the oddest things shape and carve themselves into a sort of uber nostalgia that dogs me and bites my ass.

Have you ever heard of someone dying from a poignancy attack? Well, maybe not, but it can disarm and disable you.

Poet brain..the opal mind.opacity in all things, the sheer unredeemed beauty that we drown in..everywhere. was talking with a friend recently and I said you know, I think this is why I am a recluse of sorts, it’s like I  have no skin between myself and the world of phenomena, I am constantly copulating the fuk out of beauty..or Beauty is constantly copulating the fuk out of me..

Sitting on my back doorstep having a coffee five am, and I look at the dark stain of a fence paling against the bleeding artery of dawn, and I’m struck speechless. Uberscrewed by the sublime.

It’s a gift, and it is a curse. I rape the moment for art, and the moment rapes me…

So many things cause a pain in my hands, a hunger, an appetite, for what??

And so , I dim it down. Am very aware of the people I let into my life..

For me, this is survival..to deal with the pragmatics of life with such wiring, I  have learned to withdraw and come out in measured doses.

The sweet eros of the world chokes and undoes me..there is an entire matrix in the moment, and I have no weapon save this…

solitude in overflowing spoonfuls..

for those few people who do meet me somewhere on my wavelength , this morning  I am grateful…

smiling, cat

Power exchange, trancing, and the politics of semantics

I really did not expect to be expanding on this topic at this point in time. But two separate conversations with two Dominants in my life has spawned a tangent of thought. The first conversation went something like this.We are discussing trance dancing..those of you who have read my posts know I am referring to subspace here, it’s just I cannot say the phrase without spiralling off into images of Houston and Neil Armstrong and all so you see it does not work for me… We are discussing the element of Power Exchange that subspace is predicated on and I say…it’s power exchange at its deliciously darkest… No, he says, people confuse this point all the time, saying that this state is power exchange is like saying we get into our cars and drive them to consume gas. We drive our cars to reach our destination, the gas being the means. Power exchange is like that..it is a means to a destination, and ultimately it is not the power exchange that one should focus on, but where you want to get to. The point brought me up short. I thought it a wonderful analogy. It made something very clear… too often we do get caught up in the hows and whys of Power Exchange and do not realize that the goal..the destination as it were..is without name, is soul dancin itself. The second conversation concerned the junctures at which the common terms Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism meet. We agreed that these terms of reference are the vectors , the four quadrants as it were, to the topography that is Desire itself. Like a rough map, they show the lay of the land, but as you well know a map simply does not substitute for being there.. How do you describe Mountain and Valley to the blind? One cannot exist without the other.There is no meaning to the Shore unless one knows what the River is. These terms are kind of like that. They point to something..but like a map they can never be the thing itself. It’s good we have a common terminology from which to communicate meaning and position to one another…but do not forget that the terminology is just that..a map and not your own intimate experience. The words all point somewhere,but this place is holy ground, and refuses to be named. So, relax, do not try..know that you are on your journey thru the terrain, know that you belong,that you are knit by Desire as surely as you may feel you Dictate it, and embrace the dark heart at the centre which beats for us all. cat

Subspace, a primal biochemistry

Subspace is heaven…subdrop is hell. I have a kind of amalgamated theory of subspace and subdrop…readers of my blog know I refer to this as trance dancin and trance drop. In the animal kingdom, which at core is really all about the food chain, its noted by biologists that there is a phenomena that occurs when the preyed upon recognizes its inevitable demise is near. There’s been some sort of chase, the hunter and the hunted, perhaps a struggle ..not ALL little creatures go gently into that dark night… When the predator and prey are close enough for eye contact..and all venues for escape have been exhausted..the prey will often display a sort of shiver..an involuntary orgasmic ripple of fear and ecstasy thru its fur ..it will sometimes expose its throat or its belly… Whats happening is an acknowledgement, almost a tacit agreement to be eaten alive..to become the main meal.Inevitability pushes the prey’s chemistry over the edge, and its body floods with endorphins post adrenalin..endorphins that serve to numb it into a kind of mindless physical oblivion..I mean what creature actually wants to FEEL itself being eaten alive… This state is said to be intensely mind blowingly pleasurable..withdrawing blood from the extremeties,freezing out sensation as some sort of natures anesthesia to the fact that YOU are the upcoming foodfest… Shot straight thru the veins with what is ..lets face it ..the opiates of surrender…acceptance brings rapture. Damn, sweet of evolution to consider rewarding the submission of the preyed upon. Well, in the practice of D/s and its for some elemental dance of edge play…we as humans are still at the end of the day ..an animal. Our brains have not left this ancient choreographic take down, and in all exchanges there is still the dominant predator and the submissive prey. Who is what is not always obvious. Not to say one is lower than the other..indigenous cultures have had long had rites and rituals around thanking and revering that which allows them thru their sacrifice to survive. So here’s my premise. Subdrop occurs when you don’t get..ah..eaten or killed. A state of confusion as survival becomes apparent..the chemicals drop off..and adjustment to the facts of coming down out of sacrificial lamb status ensues. But bear with me..we are still animalistic in our primal brain. It’s like the ultimate fucking confusion. None of this is cognitive…disorientation, the body thawing and releasing..the mind following suit reluctantly. Evolution made certain that we’d get some sort of payback for giving it up..rapture. So unlike the lion and the lamb..it is incumbent on the Dominant to provide transitional aftercare…call it having empathy or moral scruples. Sometimes after scening I will become so cold..I have to pile on the quilts heavy to contain myself..it helps if my partner holds me firmly and speaks to me in low calm soothing tones. These things ground me and help me pull out of the rapture at a time when my brain is in Antartica. Still later if I am moody and swinging between tears and a hi discordant with the world around me..being understood and cared for is huge… No you didn’t die, yes we get to go there again,little one. Fuck it,I sound..like a fullblown submissive… Smirking, pondering..here are a couple of caveats..this explains why natural Dominants don’t “get” subspace.. tho the skilled ones recognize it for what it is..the body language..the bliss..jesus..it’s this simple ..they did not agree to be eaten.. They’re hi on the predator’s chase and anticipation of the kill. It also explains.. at least to me..why it’s the few that have pushed me to those limits…it’s not every other Dominant that can outmanouver me to that space where I feel powerless and intoxicated enough to do anything but offer it up… Just like the animal kingdom. Yeah. Some thoughts from the Cat. Not eaten yet. And you?

Orgasms or trancegasms, which do you prefer?

Once you have experienced subspace or Domspace :what I call trancing, orgasms seem kinda vanilla..

The sensations are quite different. Orgasms are very localized in the body.
When I have an orgasm, sometimes I experience it throughout my body, and sometimes I do not.

When I enter trancespace the endorphins seem to follow a different path..the energy floating, and peaking at jagged intervals, then smoothly as I ride the scene..my attunement to my lover is far deeper.

The pleasure feels more like a drug high, and is more complex.

There is a strange desire to take it furthur and furthur psychologically..

Absolutely INTOXICATED, very aware of subtle energies,it seems to be a lovemaking to the soul, at once dangerous and wanton.

I can cum while I am trancing but it is not always the goal..something more undefinable , some need to smash furthur than the normal boundaries of time and space seems at play..

It is not unlike sexual stimulation patterns towards orgasm in that there are peaks, valleys, crests, explosions that shut down mind and body..but it is more intense over a longer period.

Have orgasms seemed to become more vanilla for lack of a better word since you experienced trancespace? Whether you are toppin or bottoming?

if you dominate do you prefer trancing your lover to seeing or having a regular orgasm?

Has that become more sexually satisfying for you? is it more intimate or less?

What about if you bottom in trancing..do you have to have an orgasm everytime? Do you prefer it? Do you see it as a prelude to orgasm rather than being a goal in an of itself?

Orgasms or subspace/Domspace? What works for you?

Write whatever you wish in reply to the questions..there are many people who would like the knowledge you pass on …

Curiosity is gonna kill me..Cat.